Our Bundle Of Joy Arrived!

Marcus and I were no strangers to the process of a c-section. Again he watched the doctor cut me open and reach in, pull out little baby boy out, them pump my uterus again, then he got to cut the umbilical cord of our son. Again, the cries were heard and my eyes filled up with tears. What a beautiful sound! He was premature so they took him right away to begin working on him. They places him into an incubator and we were unable to touch him. I was so sad that I could not hold him, kiss him. He was so tiny weighing in at six and a half pounds. He had so much hair and his head looked so much bigger than his body. After they brought me back to my room, I was still not able to see him. Marcus was able to go where they kept him and see him. The following day I was able to get up from the bed and carefully walk with a walker over to see him. I glanced down at this little precious baby and saw all this hair and round things stuck to his forhead. They had to shave a little of his hair off to stick those things. They were stuck all over his body. They told us his lungs were a little weak but had high hopes he would be just fine. Again, I was to spend a week in the hospital. I was finally able to have him in my room in the incubator, then a few days later, I finally got to hold him. He was so small! So fragile. I loved him so much. I couldn’t stop kissing him. I couldn’t wait to take him home and be out of the hospital. When the doctor was delivering our son they asked me if I wanted my tubes tied since they were right there. Both Marcus and I agreed. This was it. Our son would be the last child we would have. We had a girl and a boy. The perfect family. 

We finally arrived home. A baby and flowers including a huge beautiful bouquet of blue roses sent from Marcus’s boss. After a few days, Marcus was suppose to go back to work. I really didn’t want him to leave but we needed the money and couldn’t afford for him not to work. I would eventually follow a week later, back to Lloyd, was the plan. Almost a week after Marcus left, we were all sitting watching television when I noticed our son had a fever. He was fidgety and not breastfeeding properly. It was hard to get him to eat at all. He was filling out just fine and was the most precious baby with huge eyes and a beautiful head if hair. He was now no longer so frail and fragile. Worried again, I contacted Marcus to tell him our boy was sick. The following day he was back. If anything was ever wrong with our kids, he dropped everything and was there as fast as he could be. We couldn’t get his fever down. We immediately decided to take him to the children’s hospital and have the doctors have a look as to why his fever was creeping up. He wasn’t sick, stuffy with a cold or anything so we were both puzzled as to what was wrong. As we started to get ready to head to the hospital, my father stood up from the couch and literally peed all over the floor. When he finished he said he had to do to the washroom. He wasn’t making any sense and began talking about his homeland. The family knew something was wrong so we called 911. The ambulance came and immediately assessed him. They told us they needed to take him to the hospital right away. As the ambulance left, Marcus and I followed shortly after to take our son to the children’s hospital. What was going on? So fast, everything had shifted and now everyone was in a panic. It amazing how fast life can change. Almost in an instant. We got to the children’s hospital and because sour son was still a newborn, they tended to him right away. They began drawing blood and doing tests to find out what was wrong. After a few hours, the doctor came to us and told us our son was having problems with his bladder and kidney. His bladder had some sort of a reflux that was shooting his per back into his kidneys instead of coming out. With antibiotics, they closely monitored him and ended up booking him in to stay. Marcus did not leave his side the whole time our son was in the hospital. I was back and forth tending to our daughter and trying to find out what was going on with my father. Thank God for having so many sisters. They were always so helpful and amazing. They were always there for us. In the blink of an eye, no hesitation. Whenever needed, they would literally drop everything and help in any way they could. I never went to the hospital to see my father. I didn’t really care to. My son was more important anyways. My would I have the slightest care how he was doing? He had hurt me for 20 years of my life. I was now suppose to care? Everything us sister’s did for my father after that was always a put on or a show. Just to keep the secret hidden. He was a diabetic as well so when he would ask us to get him a slurpee, we would gladly go running to the store for him. We would get to the store, grab a slurpee cup, go to the coffee dispensing machines, find the sugar, fill the cup half way with sugar then fill the rest with slurpee.  He loved it. He always told us slurpees were too sweet but he loved them anyways. We would giggle when he drank them. He would always have to take more diabetic medications to counteract the sugar rushes.

Our son was finally getting better. His smiles melted my heart. He was always such a good baby. Slept and are well. Not fussy at all. We would know whenever anything was wrong because he would never be fussy. Even if his diaper was full, he patiently waited for us to figure it out with his ear to ear smiles. We knew the face.  It was like he was grinning and star gazed looking at us like ” mommy and daddyyyyy..i have a surprise in my diaper”! We just knew. Thankfully the doctors told us he would not need surgery and the problem had fixed itself! It was like a miracle. His little body was still adjusting from its premature state and working itself out. Our little boy was going to be fine. We were so relieved that we were going to get to go home. We couldn’t bare to see them pull blood from his little heals anymore and we wanted that intravenous out! It had caused so many problems while he was there like loosening from his vein and his little hand puffing up like a marshmellow. He had also wet himself so bad when I arrived one morning while Marcus was still asleep by his bed. I walked over to his bedside and he was laying there smiling at me and started flaring his arms and legs so excited to see me as if to say good morning! I went to pick him up and squeeze him. He was soaked with pee. Right up to his neck and down to his toes. I quickly ripped his clothing off as his bottom lip began to quiver. Washed him with the bath in a bag sponge and dressed him with warm clothes. As I breast fed him, he looked up at me and wouldn’t eat from smiling. This boy had the means of continuously melting my heart. I would hold him up to my face, kiss him and giggle with him then try to feed him again. He would do the same thing over and over like it was a game. He was my little angel. Our children were our little gift from God worth more than anything else in this world. 

The Cancer Came Back…Be Careful What You Wish For!


I received a phone call from the triple screen test I had a few months earlier. I was so scared and nervous. They had me convinced that my baby was going to have down syndrome. It shocked me at first and I was so upset. Everyone dreams of having a perfect child. I began to research and study all the possibilities of classes or groups I could join to help me understand it. I learned that down syndrome was not a disability. It would just make our baby unique as we all were. Whatever baby I was blessed with, I was grateful and excited to bring into this world. I would love this baby no matter what. Even if it came out with two heads or no limbs. It was our baby.

It was time to move to Lloydminster. It was exciting but leaving my mother and sister’s behind was hard. They would be coming when the house sold but in the meantime, my eldest sister had already landed there with her family and of course we would now be much closer to my brother. It was a small oil city but big enough to have everything we needed. Our little town home was old but it was somewhere to live for now. Marcus was not around hardly at all. He worked in the oil patch for weeks at a time then he would come home for his week off. Luckily my eldest sister was around to help me when I needed it. Our daughter was two and my pregnancy was again rough. This baby I was carrying was sitting so low, my belly stretched so badly it always hurt to walk too much. I was always so happy when Marcus came home. His presence always made me feel better. I was seven months pregnant. The phone rang a few days before Marcus was due home and it was the medical team from the triple screen test. I remember feeling so anxious with what they were about to tell me. They told me my baby was going to be fine. Absolutely nothing wrong with it. Then they asked me if I would want to know the sex of the baby. Yes!! Of course! “It’s a boy”!! My heart fluttered. We were having a boy! A baby boy! We had the perfect family. A little girl and a now a boy. I hung up with them and called Marcus right away! He was ecstatic! I could hear that excitment in his voice. We started bouncing off names to one another. I told Marcus this boy would take his name as his middle name for sure! A few days later, Marcus arrived home and I was so happy to see his face! Our little girl was having issues with her eyes from birth. She was born with two lazy eyes. When she had to focus on something, they would cross. The eye doctor put glasses on her that were so thick, she looked so cute. I always thought if she stared into the sun, she may start a fire! I woke up to use the restroom one night. As a pregnant woman, that was pretty frequent all night and day. I glanced over into her play pen that she slept in beside me. I saw a mass of darkness near her face. I looked closer and then flicked the light on to get a better look. There was a pool of blood next to her face. I yelled and probably scared a few years out of Marcus’s life. We woke her up to see where the blood was coming from. It was a nose bleed. We woke her up and tended to her bedding and her face trying to understand what was happening. First thing in the morning, we had her at the doctors office. Our doctor was also my brothers best friend. He was such a great doctor and a nice heart. He told us not to worry. That it was just a nose bleed but he would further do some testing to make sure that’s all it was.

My father came into visit and do some work on my sister’s home. Building a deck and such. The family noticed he was acting really weird. Not remembering things and staring out into space quite a bit. The deck took so long to complete but when it was done, my brother sent him home right away to see a doctor. We received a call a week later with his results and his cancer had come back. He began chemotherapy again and had been doing ok. We were all happy to hear this great news. God works in mysterious ways. It seemed like God was torturing him for all the torture he put us through for half our lives.

I went home for week shortly after to see my mom and sister’s. I was now eight months pregnant. I couldn’t seem to keep my blood pressure down. It was always to high. This baby boy sure was kicking and moving around a lot. I loved the feeling of being pregnant and feeling our little baby swimming and blowing bubbles. Again, as with our daughter, whenever our baby heard daddy’s voice, they would instantly start moving around as though they too were as excited to hear his voice as I was. I went to see a doctor in Calgary that was a specialist for high risk pregnancies. He sure was a great doctor. He was also a comedian. I remember always getting some great laughs from him in the way he joked around. It was calming to whole heartedly laugh. One night, I began feeling some sharp pains. I woke up to throwing up and a turning stomach. The pain was sharp in my abdomen. I called Marcus in the middle of the night worried about what to do. Right away, he told me to go to the hospital and that he would leave the camp in the patch and come straight to Calgary. I was nervous without him near me. I needed him to get here as fast as he could safely. My sister’s drove me to the hospital. In the middle of the night, I didn’t have to worry about how busy the ER was. When your pregnant you go to a special floor and they tend to you right away. They took me in right away. In no time, I had the heart monitor on the baby and they began testing. I couldn’t think of anything but Marcus. I just wanted him with me is all I knew. It seemed like days passed waiting and I fell asleep. No pain finally. I fell asleep thinking of this baby. This boy we were having soon was so exciting. I woke up a few hours later to Marcus’s face looking at me. “What”????? How did he get here so fast! I remember crying when he kissed me. I was so happy to see him my heart hurt. I cried worse than a baby. Marcus wiped my tears away and told me that his work let him go right away. Then my brother in Lloyd had him flown to Calgary on a little comuter plane. Marcus’s favorite. Apparently he had only enough time to take a quick shower and grab a bag before his flight left to Calgary. I held onto his hand so tightly and never wanted to let go. It was morning and the doctor came in to see us. He checked my blood pressure regularly all night and didn’t like the fact that it was getting worse as the time went by. He immediately told us that he wanted to do an emergency c-section and take our son out. I was 3 weeks early. I was scared because the lungs were the last thing a baby develops in the final trimester. Our baby also hadn’t had a chance to gain some weight but we were assures that the doctor would do everything he could to make sure the baby was safe and he would survive. We put all our faith in him. He gave us 1 hour for Marcus to go home and come back to bring me my overnight bag. I didn’t think that when I first went to the hospital that I was actually going to deliver a baby! Marcus left right away. I prayed he would drive carefully as I know wit him panicked, I wouldn’t want him speeding or getting into an accident. Oh great, another thing to worry about! As they came to take me to the surgical room, Marcus was still not there! I remember yelling “Wait! Please! Everyone please wait! I can’t go through this without Marcus! He has to be here”! I remember no one really paying attention to me as they were all busily preparing for the baby’s birth. My heart hurt, I needed Marcus to be here for the birth of his son! I remember them preparing me with the curtain they put up in front of you and one of the nurses bent over toward me and said “he’s here, yoir husband made it and now he’s just suiting up”! I could feel the relief running through my body. I could finally not worry anymore and have this beautiful baby I was so excited to meet.

Yeah Right!

A husband working out of town. I breath better when he’s near me. I was now 20 weeks pregnant. I was asked to have a test called a “triple screen”. The test would be able to tell me if my baby was healthy and ok. I wasn’t concerned that my baby was not! I followed what the doctors said and had it done. My best friend at the time took me. The test consisted of having a needle inserted into the womb where baby is and remove some of the amniotic fluid. The dangers in this was if the baby moved at the very minute the needle was entering and touched the baby in any way, I would miscarry. The most stressful day of my life so far was that day. I still was not sure why I was being urged to have it done. I laid on the table with my friend helping me hold my tummy as still as we could. The pain was amazing and the entire time, my heart was racing. They had an ultrasound machine in my tummy as they performed the test. I could see the needle going in and watching my baby sleep, praying the baby would not move. It was so intense. I was horrified and sweating from nerves. Shortly thereafter, just before they were finished, the babies leg moved. Then again. My friend asked the administrator to please remove the needle immediately. Just as the needle came out, the baby kicked it’s leg fully. Then kicked once again. That was so close! I was so angry with myself. Why I ever agreed to have this crazy stupid test. I just wanted to get out of there and talk to Marcus. Driving home, my friend and I were in tears and we were so high strung with anxiety. I needed to calm down. I knew how I was feeling would not be good for the baby. When I got home, I called Marcus right away. He wanted me to let him know how it went and I sure couldn’t wait to tell him! When I was done venting my anger, he made it all better by telling me he was coming to take me back with to help find a place to rent. Marcus and my brother had helped in finding us a condo. It was like a duplex. Pretty old and out dated but I didn’t care. As long as we were together, that’s all that mattered to me. Nothing else really mattered. We were set to move after a month. My eldest sister had also found a home in Lloyd close to my brothers. They were moving back from Houston. We would all eventually end up there. 

Our father was a heavy smoker. At least over a pack a day. He was behaving himself but his temper was now as always, through the roof. Anything would set him off. It was embarrassing especially when he did it in public. So proponent in front of people at times but so evil to us sister’s. He would love us and hate us royally if we ever pissed him off. He had many health issues. A bad heart and diabetes were a few to mention. When I was pregnant with our daughter, we learned that he had lung cancer. It was the happiest time of our lives. We never wished cancer on anyone, no matter what but he was a special story. Us sister’s had lived through sexual assault and fear, most of our lives. We couldn’t look at him without feeling nauseated. My father was back and fourth for cancer treatments during my pregnancy and eventually, after our daughter was born, we found out after one of his many tests that it was gone. GONE? He beat lung cancer? Why was God allowing this to happen? Why would God bless us girls by giving him such a horrible disease then cure him? My prayers had done some wonderful things in my life now. My husband, our daughter and another baby now on the way. I couldn’t understand why my father was being cured. Again it made me question my faith. I wanted answers but I knew in my heart that I would have to get those answers on my own. Knowing what kind of devil we lived with, I always kept a close eye. Not only for all the kids on my family but especially for my daughter. I would always make sure I was present in the room whenever our daughter was around him. He was never alone with her or any one ever and myself including my sister’s made sure of that. He was also getting old. He never really left the same spot he always use to sit on the couch and watch television. He was retired from his work and doing odd small handyman jobs for people. Whenever we would pull up to the house and see the back of his head through the window on the couch, we would cringe and wish that someday soon, we won’t have to see him sitting there anymore. Be careful what you wish for!…

We’re moving….Again?

Marcus finally got his work permit. We waited a long time but his paperwork finally came. That would mean he was finally allowed to work wherever he wantes. He had education in air conditioning & refrigeration. He also had a class one license to drive a semi. Unfortunately his schooling credentials didn’t transfer from the state’s to Canada. He started out working at a building supply store. God awful bosses with strange attitudes. Then he tried the bottle depot but that was horrible too. He came home smelling like a drunk covered in booze. Didn’t last too long. He finally got a job to work at an oil patch my brother set him up for but he couldn’t handle the flight in a small wrinky dink propeller plane. He came home so sick to his stomach. Then he tried the local waste company. He could drive a truck and it was local so we gave it a chance. It was hard work back then. Nothing automatic. He had to physically get out every few steps and pick up all the garbage throwing it into the truck. In the winter, this job would become harder as he would freeze no matter how many layers he wore. We were amazing at how beautiful and thoughtful people were. In the weeks around Christmas, he would come home with envelopes full of cash. Even some with $40 in it. Boxes of chocolates and presents for kids. Then he got a run in the cities down town core where he would come home with horrendous stories about almost dumping homeless people that would sleep in the garbage bins, into the back of his truck. He would have to shake the bins first and listen for screams! What if they were too drunk to wake up? Scary stuff.  

My life was happening the way I dreamt it would. Only the low on finances, were not in my dreams. I had never struggled with money my whole life. I threw it around everywhere always. Only now I wish I had some more of it. I knew we were hard working people and would just have to work very hard to get the things we wanted. We both had no problem with that. To Marcus and I, health was always number one. As long as we both had two arms, two legs and some brains, we would have no excuses! Rent and other bills started taking a toll but thankfully, my family helped us out as we tried over and over to get on our feet. We tried brining in a room mate for the third room we had as an office. That turned into a nightmare. He would never help with groceries or so his own dishes. I was busy with a baby and tending to my operation incisions, trying to heal, I had no time to take care of a room mate as well. The struggles were getting all too real. We also spent a night wondering what all the clanging in our parking lot was. We were so angry at the folks who had no care about how late it was to be fixing cars. The following morning, we left our apartment to go do groceries. With our baby in tow, we arrived at the car to find out our tire was stolen. All that clanging from the night before were jerks stealing from our car. We regretted not going down to see what all the noise was. We would have caught them red handed. What’s meant to be will be. Marcus was so angry for a few weeks over his tire but he finally moved on. That was the last straw for us to have to pack up our stuff and move back in with my parents again. It felt like our luck was just not with us. So many things kept going wrong. We kept hearing weird noises in the apartment. Especially at night. Banging on the roof. Banging within the walls. At certain times like clock work, our daughter would cry and scream cry so loud as though she was being tortured. For no reason! Fed, changed, bathed, pretty much everything she needed so we couldn’t figure out why she would suddenly scream like that. Before moving out of our apartment for good, we decided to just go to my family and spend a night here and there in her scream moments. She would never do it. No one ever for to see what we were talking about when she cried so heartedly, to the top of her lungs. We had Marcus’s mama and pops show us some prayers we could say to rid of these evil whatever’s that we assumed it had to be. Such bad luck and strange events occurring all the time. We finally left and settled back in with my family. My sister gave up her room and we took it over. She was forced to sleep on a mattress in the middle of the family room. We were all so close it really didn’t matter. As parents and still newlyweds, we both felt a little sad and to blame for all the hassle but we knew it wouldn’t be for long. A year later, Marcus ended up getting a better job with a hauling company. He was asked by the garbage company to do some shift work for a fellow employee where my brother lived! Marcus did the shift work and afterwords, landed a new job with a great company that was to offer him more pay. Our daughter was now almost turning two. We took the job! Moving once again but this time closer to my brother! Ironically, my sister’s husband was also transferred back to Canada and ended up going to my brothers hometown as well. My parents and family decided they would try to sell the house in Calgary and move as well. We would all eventually end up in Lloydminster? I guess that was the plan. I had not been feeling well just a few months before we were set set to leave to Lloyd. I began throwing up again and feeling so tired all the time. Marcus had already gone ahead to Lloyd to start his job. We would find a place to live first and then myself and our daughter would be next to follow. I ended up going to the doctor to find out why I was so sick. To my surprise? Yes, I was pregnant again. I couldn’t wait to call Marcus and tell him. He was ecstatic! Marcus was staying with my brother and looking for a place for us at the same time. He worked in the patch a lot so his time was valuable. He was always so busy. Marcus couldn’t be with me through most of my pregnancy.  I missed his touch. His being there with me for everything including doctor appointments. We managed to talk everyday at least 5 times a day and every night before we went to bed. My blood pressure was high again with this pregnancy but when I spoke to him or when he would come visit on his off weeks, it was normal. That told me this soul mate of mine was also my internal and maternal healer. 

I’m Having A Baby!?!

During my pregnancy, I was blessed with morning sickness. The mornings were horrible. Nauseated until two in the afternoon every day. Usually the nausea would end after the first trimester but for me, it continued through the entire pregnancy. I ended up becoming diabetic and my doctors couldn’t seem to keep my blood pressure down. I was considered high risk through my last trimester. Marcus and I decided to find an apartment so when the baby came, we could build our family and become more dependent on ourselves. It was a nice three bedroom apartment with a living and dining area. We made one room our office, the second for our baby and lastly, our room. One bathroom was hard but we made it work. It was now January and our baby was coming anytime. We were so excited, asking friends and family what the trick was to bring the labor on faster. Some of the answers we got were ridiculous. We tried them anyways! Marcus took me to a mall’s parking lot with many hard bumpy speed bumps. He began driving over them one at a time. Over and over. I think my boobies hurt more than my tummy. Finally through laughter, we decided to call it a night. My sister told me her doctor told her about castor oil. Her pregnancy went two weeks over for all three kids. Why not? Marcus got me a small bottle of castor oil one night. We had watched a movie and were ready for bed. I decided to take a small teaspoon. To wash it down as it was oil, I made a small cheese sandwich. I did a little countdown then took the spoon. I couldn’t swallow it! It was horrible! No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t swallow it. Weird? I took a bite of my cheese sandwich with the oil still in my mouth and it finally went down. It tasted awful. I finished up my sandwich and called it a night. I was so tired and every part of me ached. This baby sure was a swimmer and a kicker and loved to blow bubble all the time. A very active pregnancy definitely. I fell asleep rather quickly. My eyes closed and I was out for the count. I slept pretty peaceful through the night. From the moment I learned I was pregnant, Marcus would massage my entire back. He always took such good care of me. Buying me shrimp at two in the morning and helping me chase my weird cravings. His hands always felt like heaven on my tummy and when he would cough or sneeze, baby would move around. Suddenly, at seven in the morning, I woke up from a sharp bowl pain. “Oh dear lord” I thought, “that castor oil is giving me the runs”! That’s just what I need. A pregnant woman cannot move very fast but regardless, I was able to literally jump out of the bed running across the hall to the toilet. The worst cramps and the runs I had ever had. When I was done, I looked over to the bed from the bathroom toilet and saw Marcus sleeping soundly. He was so exhausted as well. All I wanted to do was crawl back into the bed and cuddle with him. I took a long drawn out piece of toilet paper and began to clean myself when another cramp came on. I looked at the toilet paper and it was greenish and weirdly colored and it was not coming from my backside either! I panicked. I started yelling for Marcus to wake up. I think my water had just broke. No matter how many times I called him, he snored through it. I couldn’t leave the toilet and had to get him up! After yelling for ten minutes, he finally asked me what I wanted and assured me that he was still tired. Once the “MY WATER BROKE” registered, he got out of bed so fast as though the room was on fire. I had never seen my husband move so fast! He came to me and I showed him the toilet paper. He agreed that we needed to get to the hospital right away! I managed to make it off the toilet and get my slippers on. He had the bags all ready to go. He would just assist me while holding our luggage down three flights of stairs. We got into the car and amazingly, made it to the hospital in seven minutes.  As soon as I arrived and they settled me in, I was told I was already four centimeters dialated. Almost immediately after that, I experienced my first real contraction. Ouch!? I couldn’t handle that kind of pain. My nurse encouraged me that the anesthesiologist was on his way immediately to give me my epidural. I only had to suffer with one more severe contraction before he arrived to take my pain away. Finally he showed up and asked my husband to stand in front of me and hold my hands trying to keep me perfectly still. Just as I was about to get my epidural, my husband started to lean to the left. Then the right. He began to slowly sway when the anesthesiologist told the nurse my husband was about it faint. They took his hands away from mine and sat him down on a chair with his head between his legs to settle him down. Finally the epidural was over and I could feel it’s reliefs almost instantly. My doctor was no where to be seen or heard of. We managed to call her on the way to the hospital. She told us she wss packing to leave on a trip the next day but assured us she would drop everything and come to the hospital right away. It was now eight in the evening and still no sign of her. The doctor on call at the hospital who was overseeing me was so angry at her. He told me our baby’s heart rate was getting a little faster than he liked and the green stuff coming out of me was my baby’s poop. The baby pooped inside me while my water broke from distress. By nine in the evening he rushed in to check the baby’s heart rate and it was so fast he quickly checked if I had dilated all the way but I only made it to nine and a half. He requested emergency surgery be done immediately and did not want to wait any longer for my doctor to arrive. Next thing I know, I was given a small liquid substance to drink.  As they took me down the hallway to the surgery table, I remember throwing up all over the hallway walls. I was about to have an emergency c-section. They tied my hands down and Marcus got to watch the entire thing. I mean everything! Until today, I don’t know how he did that. Watch them cut me open, pulling out a baby, pumping my uterus. I waited to hear the cries of a baby…so tense. There it was. A baby screaming. I began to cry right away. All of a sudden I had the overwhelming feeling of fear. True fear. The doctor told us it was a girl! A beautiful little girl. Almost right away, the sensation to protect her began so real. The worry now began almost instantly. How could we protect this little thing? What if anything ever happened? How could we keep her safe always? More fears just kept coming as they were closing me up. Instead of the usual 6 inch incision, mine was 10. They had rushed the emergency surgery because the baby was struggling with the umbilical cord. When all was done I still was unable to hold her. They had to work on her and myself. When they finally got me back to my room, there was Marcus holding our daughter.  Just as he handed her to me for the first time, I had a strong sensation to throw up. He quickly took her from me again and I threw up all over myself. The nurses told me that was normal from the sedation. They finally cleaned me up and Marcus put her in my arms again. We named her Mary after my mother. Oh my goodness! This little precious baby was so cute! So much hair. She smiled as she slept in my arms. I immediately took her wraps off to check out her little body. All her fingers and toes. She was a perfect a little girl. Marcus was so proud. When he carried her, he wouldn’t take his eyes off her. Even to sit down with her. He kept kissing me and thanking me for making him a father. 

I was to spend a week in the hospital from my c-section. Marcus stayed in my room with me and refused to leave my side. No matter how uncomfortable the sleeping arrangement was for him. He didnt want to leave my side. The hospital food was terrible so he managed to get me addicted to the BLT’s and turkey sandwiches they served in the cafeteria downstairs. Nurses would always be in the room helping learn how to breastfeed this little precious baby that I could not seem to get to latch on. Such a weird feeling and Mary sure loved to bite down which was painful. It had to be done. I was adamant on perfecting this breastfeeding thing. Some moments were tricky others, pretty simple. The night before leaving the hospital, Marcus had gone down to get us yet another sandwich and I was alone with Mary. She had pooped and I needed to change it. Through my incision pain I got up and placed her on my bed. As I began cleaning her up, she opened her eyes and looking right into mine. I got a smile. Her eyes wondered everywhere and then back onto me. That smile was so precious. It was like she was thanking me for cleaning her up. I kissed her cute little body. Every finger and every toe. It was a moment I would never forget. 

We were finally ready to go home the next day. I had many staples from my incision and I was in discomfort but excited to leave to hospital with this precious package. I loved this little baby so much and she was ours. 

The Renewal Of Our Vows..July 9, 2000…

The day was approaching when Marcus and I could have the wedding we always wanted surrounded by our entire family. I had my long eight foot train on my studded wedding gown. Marcus as sexy as ever in his black tuxedo. Our wedding party consisted of eight bridesmaids and eight groomsman. We had a feast the night before and we were nervous. Not sure why as we were already married. Marcus had family drive all the way from Tuscaloosa Alabama. His parents and his sister with her husband and their son. My sister joined us from Houston with her family. We were to have 200 guests attending our special day. We had a third wedding band made for me. The engagement ring, the actual wedding ring from our vows to each other last October and now the renewal of our vows on July 9th, 2000. I was now three months pregnant as well! I was unable to wear those undergarments that suck a woman in from all our bulging parts. So important for a woman especially on her wedding day! I was also not able to toast with any wine or champagne. I wasn’t much of a drinker so that was ok. I was having morning sickness and my breasts were extremely tender. I was also starving all the time. I could only concentrate on food! 

The day was finally here and our house was a zoo. People running around getting ready and looking for this and that. Thankfully we had three hairdressers in our family and they sure were busy! Shoes, dresses, makeup and hairspray everywhere. Table filled with food like usual. Thats where i hung out of course. The limousines had arrived and we were ready to go to the church. The ceremony went off without a hitch. No one fainted or threw up especially me! A friend and owner of a very large restaurant closed its doors for our reception. A little squishy but we all fit. Everyone ate and drank and danced the night away. Every time I looked over at Marcus, my heart melted. I was falling more in love with him every minute. Was that even possible? How can you love someone to the moon and back yet still fall in love with them more every day? I guess it was possible. It was happening to me. Marcus and I began a ritual that day. He would say “I love you”, I would reply with “I love you more” and vice versa. I knew in my heart that when I said it, I truly did love him more. He saved me. He was the man who changed my life forever and took all the fear from my heart and soul. He was also the man to give me this baby I had always dreamed of. 

When all was finally over and our family had gone back to their hometowns, Marcus and I could start to piece our lives together with what we wanted and needed. We were now ready to officially begin our lives together.

Waiting For The Sign Of A Work Permit…

Dealing with bills and payments wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be.  I always had a different look to how simple it should be. Declaring bankruptcy put a little dent in our future but it sure helped from nasty creditor calls. I never really blamed the creditors as those payments truly were owed to them. We were never one to go back on a commitment or our word. Life circumstances tend to somehow throw wrenches in normality causing mini hurricanes. Life has rewards, I’ve learned, but also sacrifices and sorrows. I lived by the motto “live for the day”. That’s what we did. Every time we would make a plan, it would change. They would change so fast! Regardless of how dedicated we were to follow through, it would change. Sometimes for the better but sometimes for the worse. Our first Christmas together was going to be fun. Our Christmases were always huge and fun. Lots of traditions with making sure we had the most beautiful tree. The largest with some of the most beautiful decorations. Presents everywhere. So much food, family and friends. A turkey feast Christmas eve and a glorious massive morning breakfast Christmas morning. We all got to open presents Christmas eve and some more special ones Christmas morning. We would have such a nice lazy day all Christmas day then on boxing day, run around shopping the deals and returning items that didn’t work or fit properly. Our New Years Celebration was also huge. Either a massive party in our house, a hall rental or buying tickets to an event. Whatever everyone was in the mood for. We would also just leave the city all together to visit and stay with my brother in Lloydminster. He was such an amazing cook. One of his many talents. My brother was my eldest sibling. He was involved in the oil industry. Rob supplied tanks for oil storage. Designing, building and welding them together. He would eventually own his own business making him a comfortably wealthy man. My brother had 2 children. A boy and a girl. Now in their 20s they would both get married and have children of their own. I had already been a great auntie 3 times. My brothers wife was a very different type of woman. It seemed as though she was loving and caring but any time we were around her, she would make us work so hard. She owned a party store. Event planning and such. My first Christmas with Marcus in Lloydminster was mostly spent in her store doing inventory or building wedding pillars. When you only get a few resting days away, the last thing you want to do is work harder. We were only there for 7 days and 4 of them were spent working in the store. By the time we got back, we were exhausted. Wasn’t much of a holiday but for our brother, we would have done anything. I don’t think he realized how hard she worked us. They would argue as a couple often. It was very noticeable that love did not exsist between them. They had been married 20 years. We had a feeling that the his wife had a gambling problem. Every spare moment she had was spent on a vlt machine. We would never talk about it with him. We didn’t want to sound like we were prying into his business.  If he wanted to talk about it with us, he could. 

The months after Christmas that year were definitely the months of patience. Marcus was going crazy not being able to work. You can only sit around the house doing nothing for so long. I decided to quit teaching for a while. I ended up taking a job as a courier. It felt so weird having a normal job with a boss but the good thing? Marcus could be with me and working all day to help me. We just had to deliver packages through out the city all day. From seven in the morning until seven at night. We would pack lunches and it would be like a little mini outing all day. Just Marcus and me. Alone everyday all day. We had such a great opportunity to talk and chat about life. At the end of April I ended up getting sick. The flu hit me really hard. I never get that sick. Marcus tried his best to tend to me. It wasn’t until I got antibiotics did I finally start getting better. I finally reached the end of that terrible flu and only needed a little cough syrup to contend with the days. That weekend Marcus and I decided to go stay at a hotel in downtown Calgary just to have some night time alone. Wow did we have so much fun. Am awesome dinner at The Keg in Banff Alberta then back to our room for some fun! He made love to me for hours. It was so weird that I had been so afraid of sex and told myself, throughout my life, that I would always hate it. I couldn’t even think about it because the abuse would always haunt me. With Marcus, it never came into my mind. Only Marcus could do that to my brain and my thoughts. He was magical and I loved him. We spoke about having kids one day. We thought perhaps after he got his work permit papers, we would be able to get our own place and start or life together totally. Not living amongst family members. We had no problem living with my family. In a way it was definitely cheaper. We could save up money to get our own place. One day a month later, we started our usual deliveries and for some reason I could not stop throwing up. I felt wheezy and dizzy. The next morning, same thing. Then again and again. Marcus took me to the doctor once again hoping the flu didn’t return. The doctor was unable to see me so we went to the hospital. It was freaking us out why I would be so nauseated and my upper body ached. After the doctors assessment and some blood work, the doctor walked into my room with Marcus next to be and told me something that totally shocked us both. I was pregnant and going to have a baby. How??? We always had protection. The doctor informed us that cough syrup cancels that protection out leaving the womb more vulnerable. Well? It sure did!! We were so shocked and excited and felt overwhelmed with feelings. Marcus kissed me and said “Well? We are going to have a baby”! What? How exciting. A new unexpected chapter of life!