59. A Brain Tumor

We were finally home again with our son. Fever gone and he was getting better fast! I finally had the chance to find out what was going on at the hospital with my father. He was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor. That was the cause of his awkward behaviors and peeing all over the floor that night. His lung cancer had come back and had gone throughout his entire body. The tumor would now take over. Where it was, the doctors could not get to it and chemotherapy would not help but only make matters worse. Almost simultaneously, we decided to move back from Lloydminster and live in Calgary once again. Marcus would have to leave his job in Lloyd and we would have to seek employment back in Calgary. While my father was still on hospital, Marcus and I decided to go to Lloyd and get our belongings. We knew my mother and sister’s could not live alone without a man in the house. It was now July and we had given our landlord notice that we would be leaving early. He had asked to please get our belongings out so he could rent the condo come August 1st. With two lids in tow, it was a difficult move but we made it happen. On the way home, we decided to stop in Edmonton to sleep the night before driving to Calgary. The kids and long drives didn’t go hand in hand. It was hard so with a small layover, we could finish the drive to Calgary in the morning. Approximately three hours away. We woke up in the morning to a phone call on the hotel room line from my middle sister. She was crying. I knew why she was calling the minute I heard the phone ring. Our father had passed away. He passed away on my eldest sister’s wedding anniversary. I cried with her but they were not tears of sadness. We both knew that. They were tears of relief. All of a sudden, all the anxiety, hatred and pain went away. I could feel it leaving my body and upon discussing it with all my sister’s at a later time, we learned that we all had the same sensation at the same moment. We wouldn’t have to act anymore. Pretend and feel that anger every time we looked at him. We finally got home after a pretty quiet car ride. Even the kids, strangely enough, did not make a fuss and slept the whole way. My mother was an oblivion. A mess. She was hysterical and pounding her chest saying she wanted to die. I could understand being married for 50 years and losing your husband but that’s all he was. A husband. We could understand her pain and we were all there for her but behind her back, we would thank God for removing this evil. The day would finally come. The day we wished for, for so long was finally here. We would have to be sad around all those that supposedly loved him and didn’t know better. That was pretty much everyone. Deep down it was a whole different feeling. So many times we wished we could have told those people “you have no idea what a monster he was”! We couldn’t. We would just smile an accept their sympathy statements. I was to perform one of the songs I wrote that was his most favorite at his funeral. Our father was cremated and the funeral was to be held a few days later. We had a large turnout at the funeral and as we walked down the aisle with everyone seated, the tears were endless. All of us had such high emotions and cried nonstop. It was the most ironic experience in our lives. Everyone thinking we were crying from his passing when we were truly crying from joy and happiness. At least we didn’t have to act. It did look pretty real. Finally, it was my turn to get up and play the song. I really didn’t want to but had no choice. After the funeral we all went to my cousins home on a ranch to celebrate his life. We sure celebrated! We brought his ashes home with us and they were places on the fireplace. Until this day, I have never gone close to it to read it or see what it says. As I write this, I still have him facing me on the shelf in our family room. A shrine of him everywhere I look. He got to carry our son one time in the weeks just before he died. My children will never know what kind of a monster he was. Our daughter remembers him a little bit. Always giving her candy but that is about it.