Which came first? Those who made a movie about it or the fact that it happened, it actually happened in our lifetime? Which was which?
After the events of Feb 1, 2020. Life went on as usual. Everyone made it safely home that night. We had no news of any casualties, only trauma. Some guests stayed at hotels or motels instead of going home. Some spent the night with other family members closer to the venue so they wouldn’t have to drive too far through the blizzard. Weeks went by and I was relieved that we made it through a successful and glorious evening. Many great memories came out of that night. There was still a feeling in me as though something devastationally bigger was yet to come. Do you know that feeling? Everything is good. Maybe too good. Angels? Were you still there? Following me? Helping and guiding me?
My son was attending high school. His mental capacity was a little off trying to juggle his friends and his school. Getting bullied here and there but he was a tough kid. The staff loved him. He had his own key to the staff washroom if he ever needed to go. They respected the fact that he had sensory issues. Our son was not like usual teenage kids. He was not the ” hang out, smoking in the bathroom, kiss girls at the lockers, show off, disrespect or hate the staff in any way”, kind of guy. He was like an old soul. In all his years of schooling, I had always received such high compliments about him. What about amazing son I have. The kindest most gentle heart. Everyone, the entire staff knew who he was and aa his mother, whenever I needed to go to the school for any reason, they would not waste a second to compliment me about him for something he did for the school or had done. To thank the staff for caring about him and his education so much, I gave them a gift certificate valued at $2000 to cater a staff party event for their entire staff from what I was told was, over one hundred and twenty people. A luncheon. Whatever they wanted. Teachers in general, deserve so much respect for being there for our children. Not all teachers are worthy. Some need to retire way before their retirement days. You could tell they had been through the wringer enough and lost all sorts of patience including some of their minds. I don’t blame them but being a teacher comes with the good, bad, and ugly of it all. You’re taught to teach kids who come from all walks of life. Raised by all different sorts of parents. You have to be their teacher in more ways than just following a book. Getting through a semester, course agenda. They must follow a curriculum and get through it before the year’s end.
They have a very tough job. I never thought that about my teachers growing up. It seemed as though they were all out to get me. These days, schooling was so much better and easier. Especially with the internet and what our children have at their fingertips today that we never had.
I remember getting my first computer at twenty. I felt so lucky. So important. The sounds of the dial-up internet. Jeeesh kids are lucky today.
With all the love flowing out of that school from the staff toward my son, his awesome grades were now struggling. For some reason, it was getting harder for him to concentrate. He had ADHD but the sounds and kids never bothered him before. It seemed to be taking a toll on him now. He was always involved in drama. He loved it, like his mama. He would always get roles close to leading or have numerous roles within the plays but he put so much effort into them.
Struggling with peers had always been an issue in the past with our son. He was now in twelfth grade and I wanted him to just finish, graduate and attend his graduation event but the struggles were getting worse. I couldn’t understand why but it was evident. It became harder to get him up to go to school. At the start of school in his earlier years, we as parents always contemplated pulling him out and home-schooling him but he was such a loving kid. I wanted him to so badly gain experience in a school setting. Other peers. The good and the bad. Life would always throw him challenges and I would not be able to be there to protect him all the time. He had to learn how to be tough. How to handle situations in life without taking the easy way out so miraculously, the principals always worked with us to make sure he stayed in school and was comfortable and not anxious or shy. After the first week, we were good to go. He would love it and the year would continue. He would pull amazing grades, pass and move to the next. The start of every year was always a little rocky. After being out of school for an entire summer, having to go back, face peers, and hope you’re not bullied or targeted was the challenge. Then? The rest of the year would smoothly work its way out.
This time, however, the twelfth year seemed to be more of a struggle, and we were only in February. He had made it this far. He only had to go to June! Graduate and done! He started having more issues and ended up in a peer controversy within his drama club. Trying to protect a girl from being harassed by a boyfriend was her story. He tried to save the day only to find out that she had lied about the whole story from the beginning to gain and create drama. An “everyone should feel sorry for me” situation. She finally admitted to lying, but our son had already put his neck out on the line for her in hopes of saving the day. Her friends turned on him. The drama was typical high school shit. Much of which I remember perfectly from my high-school days and all I had to do to make it. Not a word of a lie, as though we are being thrown into the Amazon rainforest as suburban city folk. Then, having to survive to make it out alive. I would have done anything and everything to make it out alive. Fuck the education for this moment, I first need to survive. Then teach me after! I could understand it. I got it. I felt for him, and he did nothing wrong. He was doing what our son was known to do best. Helping someone.
I contacted the school to notify them that I would be pulling our son out and having him finish the year through their online system at home. He only had four months to go anyways and after extensive research, I found it to be the better way to go for him. No drama, no peers, just his schooling with no interruptions. Hopefully, his grades would somewhat improve over the course of these next few months, so he will graduate and finish high school altogether.
The staff was so saddened by my news. They didn’t want to see our son leave. They truly enjoyed his personality and his jokes. They always told me he made their day. I did tell them, however, that even if my son was leaving to pursue the last of grade twelve online, I would still honor my gift certificate and treat the entire staff to a catered lunch for them all. Just get back to me with a date that will work for the entire staff including those that are part-time or don’t work that day. Hopefully, they can just come for lunch and have a treat! Within a week, they got back to me with a date in May. They said they wanted to make it an end-of-the-school-year luncheon. Perfect! The date was set. Our son left high school and we worked on getting his system hooked up to the online school system so he could continue his studies, undisturbed.
It was weird having him home and not having to wake him up every morning to drag him to school. The odd part was he is now seventeen. He got his learner’s permit to drive when he turned sixteen but had no “drive” to get his actual driver’s license. Usually, a kid would be driving their parents nuts asking to get it. Our kid said he wasn’t ready. I remember begging to get mine and finally was allowed to at eighteen. I asked him why he was not in any rush to get it. “Wouldn’t it be nice to just want to grab something and not have to beg people to drive you there”? He had me, his dad, and my two sisters to drive him always. Perhaps it was the convenience of valets? Our winter snows scared me always, the thought of him on those roads yet but I know he needed to grow up soon enough and one day he will have to drive on these streets in the dead of winter. We all had to start somewhere right?
A few weeks had gone by. Things seemed to have been going smoothly and moving along. My daughter had met a Filipino online. She was glued to her phone now. He seemed genuine. He was young. I think he was eighteen. They managed to pull world record phone time. It was twenty-four hours of FaceTime. They never hung up. They would literally spend the entire day and night together, every day. She began spending more time alone in her room than usual. It was ridiculous but I had to remember that her disability, her Autism, and her BPD made it so her actions were continuously that of an eight-year-old girl who would probably never grow up. I had to one day soon, accept that fact and just go with it. In a way, a long-distance relationship was better than her having a physical one at the time. At least I wouldn’t become a grandmother anytime soon. We had funding from the government. A disability program for adults. I could get community support workers and respite workers to assist in taking care of her. I knew the job would be hard and daunting given the fact that she had severe personality traits and disabilities that combined, made life very difficult for her and those around her. I knew deep inside, she was brilliant yet never wanted to motivate herself to do things to advance herself. With all my life’s hard work and guidance, it just seemed like it was never good enough. I felt like I had failed her even though I had worked so hard to keep her on a right track. Not choose the bad paths such as I did through life which made things so much harder. I wanted her road to be clear sailing. For her and our son. I perhaps overprotected them too much. I had given up so much of my life for my entire family. Especially our daughter. They say the one that is sick always gets more attention. As a hypochondriac, she was always unwell. Something was always hurting. She always needed my full attention. I found it hard to tell whether it was real or not. It became a guessing game until I learned what certain signs and traits of hers were. Then I could make faster decisions as to whether she was actually ill or just wanted that extra attention. My life was made up of 90% our daughter, and the other 10% my husband, son, myself, and extended family and friends. It had been like this from the age of five years old for her. I had just simply gotten used to the fact that this problem would be around for a very very long time.
We had an alarm system installed a long time prior. One with cameras on everything outside and around the entire house. The gentleman that installed the updated system knew of some of my struggles. He was a sweet man originally from Egypt. Our cultures were very similar. It was funny how in all our days of counseling and family therapy including psychologists, parental meeting help groups, family doctors, and so on, the one sentence from him made the most sense to me. He said “smaller kids the smaller the problems. The bigger the kids, the bigger the problems”! He was dead on. I just never thought of it that way. It was hard raising children period but when they had disabilities, I had to believe that many teachings would simply not happen. There was no way to teach them when they had these blocks hindering them from truly experiencing life for real. Not just what social media, Google, and everything else online, teach you. They seemed to find those learning experiences better. God forbid they learn the wrong ones. I both loved and hated the internet. I hated that this generation of kids was finding out things that should not have entered their minds at such tender ages. This generation can see and experience so much of the world through their phones and computers. When you have two genius kids, they find their way around the restrictions you place. My daughter became a hacker she told us. Showing us how she did it, she was able to find the “dark web”. I still as an adult don’t know exactly what that is. Never went on it and would never want to yet with all the restrictions we had in place, she was able to and so much more. I would need to write a blog all on its own, to tell you how much we have had to deal with when it came to our kids and the internet. Perhaps one day, I will.
Naturally along with any worldly disaster would come the need for hoarding food and survival gear. Another war within the one we already had. Those who could afford it, purchase survival meal kits off Amazon and online. In the thousands of dollars. Anything to survive the plague. Many people believed we were to become “the walking dead” in real life. People went out and bought the gear, guns, tools, and whatever they felt they would need to lock their houses down. Kill or be killed right? If we thought our world was becoming scary, just wait. Toilet paper is nowhere to be found. Really people? Jesus Christ. If that worst-case scenario truly happened would toilet paper be the saving factor? Like you can’t use Kleenex? Paper towel? Hey, how about face towels or anything really to clean yourself? Would food and water not be more important? The way I see that whole story is now I understand what would happen to the world if a true mutant-killing virus or world end of some kind, would ever hit mankind. I could bet my life that some people today are still hoarding toilet paper to get ahead of the game.
I started to hear and see little news clips about what was going on in the world around us. I always thought it was somewhere out there, not too close to home. I was wrong. I was so wrong.
As the entire world learned of a disease that was spreading like wildfire and taking lives along its path, Covid-19 was a name everyone around the world began to understand. It seemed no one was safe from it. I know the media tends to work things up to make a sale or find a viewer to read and listen to stuff that was so far in left field. This time, it didn’t seem like much was exaggerated. This new disease was here, close to home. The only thing we could all do was continue listening to the news to help understand what this disease was. It was like in the movies. The movie Contagion was a hit back in 2011. Who would have known that a movie would end up being a reality one day? The filmmakers had it dead on, what a spreadable disease such as Covid-19 would do to the human race. The more we all learned, the scarier it was. By the fifteenth of March 2020, our city of Calgary Alberta Canada had gone into lockdown in hopes of containing the spread. It was not an airborne disease but knowing humankind, it may as well have been. The infectious numbers just kept continuing to rise as did the death toll. This was happening all around the world. Schools and public places were closed except for necessities. Food, gas. Everyone became terrified to even go out for that. The economy was about to take a huge plummet. People, families, and businesses would soon start to struggle. No one wanted to go out. It was like a real-life game of Russian roulette in everyone’s mind. I remember being so thankful that I had pulled my son out of school two weeks earlier. With schools shutting down and everyone on lockdown, this serious disease would take over people’s lives. It didn’t matter how rich or poor you were. If you don’t have your health, you have nothing. All the precious money in the world would not help you if you contracted the virus. We didn’t know how our bodies would react to it. So many were dying. It was simple. The human race vs. Covid-19. People only wanted to survive. It was a new kind of war. One which we could not fight.
I really don’t want to get too into the Covid world as we all experienced hardships and new ways of life. This was most definitely nothing new or questionable for anyone in the world. We all experienced it differently. Some with true fear, others believing it was all a lie, and so many worldly opinions and thoughts, that alone would drive anyone crazy. Who and what to believe? Everyone was hoping for a cure in case they contracted this disease. Hurry, someone, come out with something! So many people dying. Then the vaccines came out. Finally. Again, the uproar and conflict of the human race. What? Vaccines? I’m not putting that in my body & the determination to assure people get vaccines. The war became a different kind of war. An entirely new kind of racism. Get the shots, don’t get the shots, this is why! Holy opinionated people. Come to our side! No! Come to our side! Believe us! No, believe me! All the naive people believed whomever their hearts told them to. All the strongly opinionated people went on rages and rallies to bring people to their side. Picketing and roadblocks online and offline. Holy shit! The mental madness was crazy. People proudly displayed and announce the fact that they had been vaccinated this many times. Then those attacking them say they are ass followers and believe anything they hear. It would become scary to mention or even talk to anyone about vaccines. You never knew what side of the war they were on. It was forcing kind-hearted people to become somewhat two-faced. At the beginning of the conversation, you would first have to find out what their side and view of the vaccines was. Then, agree with whatever they said even though it was against your opinion or thought. Just so that “awkward tension” wouldn’t be visible. So many people were proud to state they were fully vaccinated therefore they could go into places that the unvaccinated could not. The unvaccinated would then begin a new war of the covid racism.
I was in the absolute perfect mindset for this. I felt at home through the war. I had learned through my many hardships my entire life, how to smile and play the “I’m on your side”, card. I learned how to get out of awkward situations nicely and politely. In no way being two-faced. Just simply trying to exit a situation unharmed mentally and move on with no feelings being hurt. I was not prepared for any “damned if you do and damned if you don’t” moments like the government and the world health organization had to deal with. No one had a say in what happened so what was the use of speaking up or being opinionated? NONE. Absolutely, none.
Let’s not get started on the masks. Wow. Naturally, they were very important. To help prevent the spread of covid, and the cold and flu seasons. I think what I liked about them the most was saving on lipstick. It was weird going so long without having to put lipstick out when leaving the house. I can however say that for the entire year from March 2020 and almost the entire year 2021, I never got sick. No cold, no fever, nothing I would usually get. My body didn’t know how to fight infection properly. If someone transmitted a cold to me, my body would take it and run! Turning into bronchial or pneumonia-type symptoms of almost death from chest pain and joint pain. Antibiotics could hardly help me. So naturally, I would agree that the masking rules were fine by me. Almost two years of no viral illness. Goes to show how easily spreadable the common flu and colds are!
This is very weird to say but in a way. I liked covid. Don’t judge me please and let me explain first. I didn’t like what it did and was doing to so many human lives. What I did like about it was the label it came with. Quarantine. I loved the fact that no one had to go anywhere. The peace from this was overwhelmingly wonderful. No entertaining people, no visitations, no dealing with outside drama. Nothing! The government said we can’t right? Thank you local government. Muchly appreciated. For a short time, we would not have to deal with people. We all got to stay home actually bonding safely together. We were a household of eight people so it was busy already. We could be more creative in our planned meals and play games at all times of the day. Catch up on movies and binge-watch so many programs with many episodes and seasons. Give it to me! We set up our kitchen table as a charcuterie buffet. Why not spoil my own family? I was a chef and caterer. I spent so much time spoiling others. Now I could focus on spoiling my family. Cooking some amazing breakfasts and dinners with charcuterie in between. No alarms set or work lunches need to be made. No dealing with community support workers and interviews and praying each time that my daughter would like them and agree to give them a try. All those stresses or even getting my daughter to get up and out the door for appointments would even disappear. Online for everything. Groceries, orders, shopping, doctors appointments, therapy sessions, you name it. It’s amazing how the world will still revolve with the streets clear and major cities like ghost towns. No traffic at any time. People even afraid to go for walks. Thinking the disease would attack them! Lineups in grocery stores were so long and endless. Special times and hours are open for seniors only because they could not stand that long to purchase their items. People use people to be with a senior or fake their ID just to go to the store without the lineups. Then the discovery of “grocery pickup”. Make your order online for anything, come to our store, park in the designated stall, call this number and we will bring your order out to you. Don’t leave your car, just open your trunk and we will do the rest! What a concept. Too bad it took covid to make things so much easier for the hard-working humans that never have time for anything. I enjoy the fact that many of these new ways have remained even after the quarantine days.
Birthdays and parties were an entirely different story, however. Luckily we were a large household. Enough people to have fun with but I felt so sorry for those that did not. How lonely it would have been. Those who rely on eating out because they cannot cook or go out simply to socialize because they have no one else around. God forbid anyone passed away. Or wanted to get married, already had set wedding dates. No gathering allowed. Everyone had to help stop the spread. Gatherings were a major cause of this spread. We loved the fact that we couldn’t gather. We never liked it. We were all homebodies. Enjoyed the simple quiet life. Now it was mandatory to have it. Loved it. Wish we could go back. The mental strain on so many people during covid was apparent and evident. It was all over the place. Online, everywhere. We felt so sorry for so many. There was nothing anyone could have done. So many suicides and people who simply lost their minds. The world travelers that could not go for that escape and relaxation were forced to stay home. Borders closed. Families split up. Longing and missing each other. We felt so blessed to have so many of our loved ones so close to us including my sister and her family just a few houses down. We knew everyone was following the rules and staying safe. I truly loved how genuine and kind mankind would slowly be with one another. Strangers hoping and praying for your safety at any time you chatted for any reason on the phone or online with normal daily events such as calling the phone repair guy or speaking with a medical staff member. Even neighborly if you saw a neighbor outside shoveling snow or reaching for their mail. The grocery guy placing the food into your trunk at the pick-up stall or even those getting gas. Anywhere and everywhere, people became more empathetic and hopeful hoping for the safety of not just themselves but others. I loved the kindness! The appreciation for those that went out of their way to help others. Especially those on the front lines. The medical staff took care of the sick heroically and made a place for themselves in history so others can see and read what wondferul jobs they did.
I felt most sorry for the seniors that had every right to be more afraid than anyone else of the Covid-19 disease. We had one at home with us. My mother had just recently celebrated her 90th and now she was going on 91. She had many medical issues including asthma and weak lungs which is what covid thrived on the most. Our at-home family had to be more vigilant with any dealings we would have had going outside for any necessities we needed for the household. We would have to come home and sanitize ourselves from head to toe including a full change of clothes to assure we hadn’t brought the disease home with us. Our mother was most afraid of anything occurring where she would need medical help. She refused to go through it alone. She would need support with her but hospitals were not allowing it. No one was allowed to be with you.
When my brother was alive he was going through the medical system so much with his kidney transplant, amputations, cancer, and general health that he always advised us to never be alone. To always have a support person with you no matter what. That was always instilled in all of our minds so naturally with the world the way it was now, we were scared. It was simply not allowed, period.
As family events came and went, we tried to make the best of it. Zoom family meetings online to stay in touch and check on everyone’s mental state. We kept up with the news getting tired of the same lingo. “Quarantine, masking, social distancing, sanitizations, vaccinations”. Fuck my life. As for monetary survival, thankfully over half of our household was on a mental disability of some kind and various supports. Thankfully the government aided in financial assistance for those who could not work. I believe that what they were paying out was fair to help support those that could not work. For our family and our situation, it was fair.
Every now and then, I would have to stop, step back and pinch myself. Was all this stuff happening in our lifetime? The fact I was living and able to witness all of this while I was alive. How would our loved ones who passed on have lived with this if they were still alive? How lucky they did not have to deal with it. Could they have? One thing is for sure, I believe every human being through the entire covid ordeal at some point spent some time, at one time, reflecting on themselves or their situation. Grateful or second-guessing decisions they had made within their lifetime. I for one, sure did.
We decided to call our home and living quarters “Madhouse, may contain nuts”. We were all “mad” here. With so many on disability and others trying to maintain normalcy, it sure was. I was going mad. No matter what good things had come, if I took it in and appreciated it at all, it would come back to haunt me tenfold. I tried not to enjoy myself too much. I needed to prove to God that I was not happy. I didn’t need another rollercoaster ride taking a turn for the worst once again. I needed to stay under the radar of the angels so perhaps I could go unnoticed.
theangelsforgotme 