Life got busy. I was performing two shows a week and teaching on weekdays. I was living the high sponsored life. Anywhere I would go, I was honored. I loved it. Unfortunately, the double life standard was tiring. Always making excuses why I was not home and trying to be in four places at the same time. It was fun but so hard. I would get flown in to a show, play and sing for an hour them get ushered back home. Many of the shows never focused on me. I was on stage performing and famous for that hour then back to normal life. Highs and lows every day.
I was playing a show in New York and weather permitting, it was a wash out. I was to perform the following day. A Saturday. I decided to stay overnight at a venue for the first time in my life. My pilot at the time had worked full time for United Airlines and part time flying privately. He decided to stay as well. No sense in going all the way home. He was actually from New York. His name was Joe. He was tall and very muscular. You could say he reminded me of Tom Cruise. He was a very tender and caring man. We got to known each other through our quick flights and layovers. We talked a lot about life. I never told him too much about me but he knew enough. He was Italian and loved his pastas. Whenever we would go out together, that’s all he would eat! I had dated here and there throughout my life so far and it was so hard to meet someone with similar qualities. I was living a great life but lonely as heck. I dreamt of hopefully one day, meeting the man of my dreams and living a normal life. A life that did not consist of shows and work all day and night. What would it be like to have a husband, a home, kids, bills, a mortgage? I yearned for it but never thought I would meet this great individual that would understand me. Was he even out there? How could I ever meet him with this hectic lifestyle I had. Never anytime for me. So many used me for my shows, fame or being a business woman and a laser lady. I never knew who would actually love me for me! Not for what I did. At times when I did my grand piano performances onstage, I would get teary eyed from the love songs I would create and sing. On the outside, people thought I had a life. They wanted to be me. If only they knew. I was playing a song by Sarah Mclachlan called “Arms of the Angels”on a beautiful grand piano in Vancouver at a festival. Half way through the song, I got so choked up I couldn’t continue singing. For some reason, I truly never paid attention to the lyrics and now I did. They were so touching. Explained my life completely. I gathered myself trying to get through the song and made it! Joe met me after the show to escort me back to the airport hotel. He was concerned for my breakdown he had just witnessed. I opened up to him and told him more about my past. He was very sympathetic and patient. I loved that about him. After flying me to Calgary, he didn’t have to be back to work for a few days so we checked into the airport hotel. We literally spent the whole night talking. We laughed, cried, joked around and ordered room service all night. I was falling in love with him.
My sister’s husband ended up getting transferred to Houston Texas. They had to sell the home and go. My parents found a home in the same area and it was time to move out. The move was hectic. I hated the home. It was old and not very big. Everyone was in each others faces all the time. No where to escape unless I was out of the house working. I took over the entire downstairs like usual. Setting up my sleep area and the home studio. I loved being with all my sister’s but my father would always be around. His aggravation would get more apparent for some reason. What time was I leaving, what time was I getting back. If I didn’t have an answer for him he would flip off his rocker. If I did give him an answer and was a little late he would flip even more. He was always a problem to me and to the family. I was getting sick and tired of always having to smile and make like I actually gave a crap about him in front of friends and family. I just wanted him to hurry up and die. At one point, I remember thinking, evil doesn’t die. They stay around forever just to make life miserable. That had to be true. I couldn’t wait for the day I would not have to act anymore. I knew it would come but the patience were slowly wearing off.
theangelsforgotme 